May 7th, 2018: Los Angeles at Connecticut

Just the Facts, Ma'am: Rachel Banham's buzzer-beating three-pointer gave the Connecticut Sun a 68-65 win over the Los Angeles Sparks in their first preseason game. Jasmine Thomas led the Sun with 12 points, with Betnijah Laney and Chiney Ogwumike each adding 10. Shakayla Thomas had 17 points and eight rebounds off the bench to lead the Sparks.

For color commentary, a distressing lack of taco bowls, opinions on hair, underrated guards, the numbers game, and the futility of free agents, join your intrepid and reversed blogger after the jump.

On to the second game, which features the Los Angeles Sparks and the hosting Connecticut Sun.

Cappie Pondexter's hair appears to have exploded. Again.

There is a Spark with glasses bending herself in ways that don't look anatomically possible. Pretty sure that's Essence , and I'm slightly weirded out.

The Sun's gear is extremely orange and gives me a craving for citrus. I am less impressed with the Sparks' gear; the yellow looks wrong, too washed out and not proper gold. The purple on the jerseys is nice, though either it absorbs a lot of sweat or it's two-tone, with a darker purple in the back.

Tyra Buss is so tiny next to real pro players.

Sun fans seem enamored of Rachel Banham for no good reason that I can discern. Quick, act surprised.

19-11 Connecticut at the end of one.

Tic-tac-toe is not a new schtick. Y'all stole that from the Liberty, and our game day crew actually knows the rules. These guys missed a winning diagonal.

32-31 Sparks at the half. 2nd quarter foul differential was pretty bad. Shakayla Thomas looks really good for the Sparks. So does tiny but fierce Brooke McCarty. I like the vision Lexie Brown has shown on both ends of the floor for the Sun.

It actually looks like Bobbie Kelsey is calling the plays for LA. It's definitely not Agler.

Oh, come on, sound crew, you don't play “Car Wash” once during the first game, but you break it out in the second game?!

Of *course* the dance cam music is the Twist. I'm sure Bass is amused. Not.

54-45 Sun at the end of the 3rd. Some nice plays from Brionna Jones cleaning up the garbage.

The problem I see with these two teams is that there are 10 players on Connecticut that should have a roster spot locked up- and 14 on the Sparks. Bit of a problem when you can only carry 12, innit?

There may be some lingering crankiness in these game notes, because I have been finding for a taco bowl for the last six hours, and it turns out that the Mexican section closes earlier than everything else, so now I am starving and I still don't get my taco bowl. I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. I mean, it could be worse; it looks like they're closing up for the night, so if Rachel Banham hadn't hit that three I'd really be scrambling for dinner, and you don't want to get between a fat chick and food. (I can say this about me, but you better not try.)

Okay, it's time to experiment with text-to-speech again, because while there is room for me to stretch out and type on this tablet, I will probably throw up if I attempt to do so for very long. You'll probably be able to tell the text to speech, because the capitalization will be off, and there will be some very strange typos, for which I beg your forgiveness.

I really feel bad for most of the players that the Sparks brought to training camp, because as outlined above, there really isn't any room for them on the roster. That is, unless Brian Agler decides to do something completely unprecedented and trust young players over veterans. In other words, no room on the roster. (Although, to be fair, that analysis doesn't leave Mistie Bass out of the running.)

Kaylee Jensen is a big body who can bang, and no one can deny her physicality, but I questioned her judgment on the floor. I don't think she used her fouls very effectively, and she's not very mobile. Taya Reimer got a few minutes in the second half, but I don't remember a thing she did. That's probably not a good sign. Kathryn Westbeld was able to force a few loose balls, but wasn't able to do anything with them. I respect the hustle, but you have to be able to do something with it in order to succeed in this league. I was very impressed with Shakayla Thomas, though to be fair, I've always been impressed with Shakayla Thomas. I saw her a couple of times at Florida State, and I thought she had the physical tools to be a WNBA player. The question was always whether she could develop a jump shot. And this game, she certainly demonstrated more of a jump shot that I've ever seen from her. She also made some great defensive plays and sparked a fast break with a lead pass to Pondexter.

From what I saw tonight, Gabbi Ortiz does not have the tools to be a WNBA player. She doesn't have the shot, she doesn't have the vision, she doesn't have the defense. She does have the build, but that's all she had going for her tonight. I thought Brooke McCarty had a much more impressive outing. She had one steal that was so fast I blinked and suddenly the Sparks had the ball again after a basket. She brought a lot of hustle and some really great defensive plays. On another team, she might have a chance to make the roster. But the Sparks are just too overloaded with players who have too many guarantees.

Essence Carson's shot has not yet joined her this season. Then again, there are times when I wonder if it's going to join her at all. Of course, she hit one of her patented foot on the line two pointers. I was, however, impressed with her interior rebounding. She seemed to be playing a lot of forward in the Sparks' lineup when she was with the starters, which makes a strange sort of sense given that most of their forwards are not yet with the team. The more things change, the more they stay the same; when Cappie Pondexter was the focal point of the offense, it immediately turned into the same old thing that we used to see from her with the Liberty. She would run the clock down, dribble, dribble, dribble, shoot. If she thinks that's going to happen when all of the Sparks' starters, she's in for a big surprise. I don't think Parker or Nneka Ogwumike will put up with that nonsense. I was deeply and profoundly unimpressed with Sydney Wiese. That's nothing new. She didn't do anything of note, and she looked lost. Honestly, I didn't think she should have made the roster last year, so you can imagine I'm not thinking she should make the roster this year.

Karlie Samuelson shoots threes. I don't think anyone is surprised by this observation. She's a Samuelson. It's what they do. However, her defense was not great. She was fouling all over the place, sometimes unnecessarily. Mistie Bass is who she's always been. She's a savvy veteran post who knows all the moves, all the tricks, and all the ways to get under your skin without getting called for a foul. She's physical, she's tough, and you're going to hate her if she's playing against your team and you're going to love her she's playing for your team. If the Sparks did want to go younger, she would be a good veteran presence to have around to teach them all the tricks. But there aren't that many tricks you can teach Candace Parker and Nneka Ogwumike at this point.

It's virtually impossible to say anything concrete about the Sparks from this game. After all, their entire front court rotation was unavailable, plus they were playing without Chelsea Gray to run point, plus they didn't have Alana Beard as their defensive ace, plus they were short at least two bench players. So, basically you had players doing the things they were good at, and you had a bunch of players who will not be in regular season games.

Springtime in Connecticut! You know what this means? Construction season! It looks like we're going to be taking the scenic tour of beautiful downtown New Haven. I don't know if my sarcasm is coming through or not.

If the game had ended pretty much any other way, my notes on Rachel Banham would be very different. But it's easy to forgive a lot of sins when you hit a deep, game-winning three-pointer for your team. On the other hand, she only had two shots all night and her defense is bad. I can see her trying to work on her defense, but so far it's just not working for her. She's trying to be a defensive ace and she's about a defensive 7. Tyra Buss is tiny, and adorable, and hustles, and has absolutely no place on a WNBA roster. I'm sure she's a lovely person, but she doesn't bring anything to the table that other players don't do better. I'm already very impressed with Lexie Brown's defensive instincts and court vision. For a rookie, she's got a very good sense of the floor. I still don't understand why Jessica January keeps being invited back to training camps. I really don't. Of course, around the time I was saying that, she hit a big 3, so I guess she might have something to offer. Even when she was at DePaul I didn't think she would be that good. I feel like the wait for Leticia Romero was a bit of a letdown. She didn't seem very active in the game and she didn't seem very involved.

Would someone please, for the love of my sanity, please teach Nikki Greene how to set a legal screen? She almost cost Connecticut the game late with two consecutive offensive fouls. And if you're going to be that kind of defensive liability, you have to be able to consistently finish at the basket, and she wasn't able to do that in this game. She pops up every other year or so in somebody's training camp, and I'm beginning to wonder why. Brionna Jones did a really good job on the offensive glass, but she needs to finish more consistently at the rim. Cayla George should probably also sit in on those classes on setting screens that Nikki Greene needs to attend because she followed up Greene's two fouls with one of her own. I'm not impressed. I have never been impressed. I get the feeling Betnijah Laney is stuck between positions. I like what she brings to the floor, especially her hustle. But I don't know if she's a four or a three, and Connecticut have enough players with that kind of issue with Alyssa Thomas. I don't think they can afford to have two. Morgan Tuck did a good job of getting to the line.

(Holy Mary, Mother of God, it is either too early or too late for the ruckus this woman is making in the train station. I can't even.)

If Alyssa Thomas doesn't spend a good chunk of the Sun's next practice shooting free throws, I will be very surprised. She's never been a great free throws shooter, but she was really bad today. Other than that, she actually looked pretty good. She brought a lot of rebounding and great defense. Chiney Ogwumike didn't play much, but when she did, she looked like the powerhouse she once was. I realize she was not playing with her peers per se, but she still looks good and she still looks strong. That's a good sign for Connecticut. I think they really need her.

Waterbug is really an unflattering term, but somehow it really seems to fit Courtney Williams. I mean it in the nicest way possible, mind you. I think she's a great player, and she's really intense on the defensive end of the floor. That's actually saying a lot, given her more offensive propensities. But she's really dedicated herself to making her opponent's life miserable on the defensive end. She knows how to use her quickness well. (Also, the short blonde buzzcut suits her.) Jasmine Thomas is such an unsung heroine for this team. She's solid, she's heady, and she's reliable at both ends of the floor. Much like Kelly Miller was for the champion Phoenix teams, she's not going to get the headlines, but she makes the engine go. It's always great to see a player find her niche.

Curt Miller was very animated, and very orange, on the sidelines. He actually seemed to tone down the leaping up and down in rage when the fouls mounted up in the second quarter, which surprised me. I thought there were some dubious calls there.

I think it's going to be hard to tell where some players fit into this roster, but it seems like Connecticut has a lot of good pieces that fit well together. Sometimes that's better than having all the best players. If they can get their fouling under control- which was a problem for them last year, too- they're going to have a very good year, with their depth in the backcourt and flexibility in the frontcourt.